From Grief to Hope
Stages of Grief - Shock
It was early in the morning; we had been up all night. I gently held my 30-day-old daughter as we anxiously awaited a response from the medical supply store to deliver oxygen. She was cradled in my arms, her calm still eyes gazing back at me. Little did I know, it would be the last day I would hold her tiny little body in my arms or touch her soft skin. In an instant, her skin turned purple, and there she laid—gazing up at me, lifeless, still, gone.
I sat there, paralyzed by shock, disbelief, and an anger I never knew existed began raging deep within me. The nurse's voice cut through the silence, confirming our worst fears. Our precious baby was gone, and I was left with an emptiness that seemed inconceivable.
In that moment, I became overwhelmed by a feeling of deep-rooted pain, denial, anger, and faith the size of a mustard seed. Have you ever heard a battle cry? Have you ever clung to hope with all your might? With boldness I’ve never know before, I cried out to God, refusing to accept that my child was gone.
Stages of Grief - Denial
I’M NOT READY! I’M NOT READY! I’M NOT READY!
It was my battle cry, my plea for divine intervention.
As I clung to hope, a miracle unfolded before my eyes. The color returned to her face, and she took a deep breath—my baby was alive! She lived for two more precious hours, giving our family and friends time to say their farewells.
Time of death: February 25, 2011 9:35 a.m.
In an instant, the trajectory of my life had shifted irreversibly. Guilt, hopelessness, anger, grief—these emotions overwhelmed me. The void left after losing my child affected every aspect of my life. I questioned everything - Why was I still here? What was my purpose in life? How could a parent bury a child? Where would I find the strength to go on? Depression set in, my marriage strained, and the once-happy moments became distant memories.
Bereavement Days + PTO....
Returning to work, I felt like a ghost, empty on the inside, going about the day with a cloud hanging over my head and a whole in my heart. Ironically, I AM a mental health professional, and I was employed at a mental health facility. I have a master’s degree from the University of Southern California, one of the top schools in Social Work. I knew better; despite my education and training in mental health, nothing in the world could prepare me for the hurt and pain of losing my child!
It took a caring friend and co-worker to shake me out of my numbness. After weeks of watching me suffer and rapidly losing weight, she closed the door to my office and declared, "Enough is enough. You have to snap out of this." She was determined to do whatever it took to get her friend back and she would not rest until I agreed to get help. After she gave her speech, I burst into tears falling to the floor and releasing the pain that had been building up within me. I had to snap out of it and get my life together – my husband and I had been friends since we were 11-years-old, I had to find a way to talk to him. I had a 15-month-old daughter who just lost her baby sister, and a career I needed to get back to.
Healing
This is how my healing journey began by someone being brave enough to walk alongside of me and hold me accountable to taking care of myself and getting help. Coaching became my lifeline. It taught me that grieving is normal and that healing can come from unexpected places. Just going to church was not enough; it was coaching that provided the personalized support and investment in my well-being. Coaching guided me through the storm, helping me cope with subsequent losses in my family.
Today, as I reflect on my journey, I realize that healing is possible. Following the delivery that resulted in my profound loss, an unexpected twist emerged. I developed a disability, a consequence of the epidural, causing intermittent paralysis. It was and still is a challenging chapter, but I refused to let it define me. In the face of adversity, I not only survived but defied the odds by embracing kickboxing.
Our family embarked on a new chapter, relocating to a different state. My husband and I embraced the noble path of volunteer firefighting, finding purpose and connection in serving our community. I began volunteering for a hospice agency, helping to care for dying loved ones and helping families create cherished memories. I also work with disenfranchised couples, struggling to start a family of their own through the adoption process. Our family has grown, now blessed with two beautiful and talented daughters who bring light and laughter into our lives.
Growth
This journey, marked by loss, disability, and unexpected turns, has revealed the strength within me. Coaching has taught me that healing goes beyond the mending of wounds; it involves the courageous act of embracing life in all its twist and turns.
I no longer feel alone, and I've emerged from the shadows of guilt and grief. I am healed, and I have hope. My passion now lies in helping others find their inner strength. As your coach, I bring a unique blend of personal pain, experiences, and a social work background to assist you in achieving your goals.
I want to start a relationship with you. Let me walk alongside you on this journey. I may never fully understand your pain because we all experience grief differently; however, I am here to help you navigate through the emotions, find peace, hope, and healing. Together, we can turn grief into a journey towards a brighter, more hopeful tomorrow.
My Story From Grief to Hope: My Journey to Healing & Helping Others
How My Story From Grief to Hope Can Help Grieving Moms
- Relatable Experience – As a grieving mom myself, my story reassures you that you are not alone in your pain.
- Hope & Encouragement – The e-Book provides a message of resilience, showing that healing is possible even after profound loss.
- Emotional Support – Moms will find comfort in knowing their emotions are valid, and they have permission to grieve at their own pace.
- A Path Forward – Readers will learn that with the right help they can move from overwhelming grief to a place of renewed purpose and peace.